; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
