toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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