My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
