i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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