Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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