Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It's not a walk of shame if you run
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
