I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
you had me at cake vodka
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Randomize
