dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
