just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
