We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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