im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
