I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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