I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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