fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
