I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
