What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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