When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
