We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
