She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
