There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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