tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
