quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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