she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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