I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
