How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
