just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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