we made out on top of his cat.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
