Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
