Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
