because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Less talking, more tequila
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize