I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
