Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
