I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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