I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
