I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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