I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
