i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
