If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
