Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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