I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the night ended with taco bell and tears
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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