Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
