I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
