All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
