sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
