BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
