i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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