while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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