I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
