Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Also, beer. Big fan.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
