I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
