Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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