I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
