my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
my being single is dangerous.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
