my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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