I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
