Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
