I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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