Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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