I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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