we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
