Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
