Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
