hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
