I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
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Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
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Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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