I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
