How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
