Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
