where does the pee come out of this thing
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
