Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
