Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
how drunk are you?
Several
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
