So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
