first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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