I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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