yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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