i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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