We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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