I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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