You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
