Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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